PART 3 – I BORN MY DAUGHTER AS FINAL EXAMS WERE APPROACHING — THAT NIGHT WHEN I CRIED WITH MY BABY IN MY ARMS, I MADE A DECISION THAT WOULD CHANGE OUR LIVES
Emma was born on a rainy morning.
When I held her for the first time, I forgot for a few seconds everything that scared me.
She was so small.
Her fingers wrapped around mine.
And then I realized I wasn’t alone anymore.
“Hello, my love,” I whispered to her.
“I’m your mom.”
Tears were streaming down my cheeks.
I had imagined this moment many times.
But I had no idea how difficult the days that followed would be.
Our small apartment was filled with diapers.
Baby bottle.
Children’s clothes.
And books.
Books everywhere.
On the table.
On the couch.
Next to the swing.
The final exams were approaching.
I was also trying to learn how to be a mother, while at the same time having to complete my studies.
There were nights when Emma cried for hours.
I held her in my arms and walked up and down the room.
“Calm down, my little one,” I whispered to her.
“Mom is here.”
When he finally fell asleep, I was sitting at the desk.
I opened the books.
And I was trying to concentrate.
Sometimes the letters blurred before my eyes.
Other times I woke up with my head on my notes.
One night I looked in my wallet.
I had very little money.
I had to buy diapers.
And milk.
And pay the electricity.
There was only one packet of instant noodles in the cupboard.
I boiled it.
I ate it standing up in the kitchen.
And then I sat on the floor.
I started crying.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“I can’t do it anymore.”
Emma was sleeping in her crib.
I looked at her.
I felt ashamed that I had thought about giving up.
Not because my daughter was a burden.
But because I was afraid that I wasn’t strong enough to give her the life she deserved.
I took my cell phone.
I opened the school’s website.
I found the process for stopping studies.
I stared at the screen for a long time.
Just one click.
And everything would end.
I wouldn’t have to take any exams.
I wouldn’t have to stay up all night over books.
I wouldn’t have to run from work to school and from school to home.
But then Emma woke up.
He made a small sound.
I got up and hugged her.
She looked at me with her big, tired eyes.
And suddenly I felt something change inside me.
“I won’t stop,” I whispered to her.
“Not now.”
I held her close to my heart.
“I don’t know how we’ll manage, but we’ll try.”
The next morning I went to school.
I was holding Emma in her stroller.
I asked to speak to the academic advisor.
Mrs. Eleni welcomed me into her office.
“What’s going on?” he asked me.
I tried to speak.
But the tears betrayed me.
“I’m afraid I’ll fail.”
Mrs. Eleni looked at me calmly.
“Why;”
“I’m not sleeping. I don’t have enough money. I don’t know how to put it all together.”
Look at Emma.
Then he turned to me.
“You don’t have to do everything without help.”
I looked at her.
“I don’t want special treatment.”
He smiled.
“We’re not talking about special treatment. We’re talking about the support opportunities that students are entitled to.”
That day, she helped me learn about financial aid, course scheduling, and available childcare services.
Not all problems were solved.
But for the first time, I didn’t feel like I had to deal with everything alone.
And then I started to think that maybe I could really make it to the end.
CONTINUED IN PART 4…
